Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Girls should come with a carfax report
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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