So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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