8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
