this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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