I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
