I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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