38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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