I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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