He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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