Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
