I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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