u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
