READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
