the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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