you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
