whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
