apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
