Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
