he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
