your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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