so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
