alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
