he was CRYING into my vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
