Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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