What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
