hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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