Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
