new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
