I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
