i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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