You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
