Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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