We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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