Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
