I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
