My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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