I accidentally had phone sex last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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