he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
