Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
