I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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