In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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