my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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