I need help removing her.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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