Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
