We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
