I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
