Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
