roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love accidental penises.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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