Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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