we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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