Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
