Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
