sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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